Interview with Two Iranian Gay

By Arsham Parsi

Translated by Ramin

Could you please introduce yourselves?

I am Pooya, 26 years old and I am homosexual.

I am Soroosh, 23 years old, and also homosexual. I have been in Turkey for 6 months.

How do you explain the life of a gay man in Iran?

Pooya: A gay man has no life in Iran at all to be explained. Life is meaningless for him and he receives no acceptance for himself and his lifestyle. He has lots of problems involving his family, his society, the government, etc. I have a master’s degree, but I was not accepted even as a secretary in Iran as I was different from others. They didn’t say directly that it was because I am gay but they didn’t offer me any job and their reason was clearly implied. My family didn’t understand me. People made fun of me and they tormented me in such a way that I didn’t dare go out of my home. There is no place for a gay person in Iran as the culture does not accept the presence of homosexuality. A homosexual is not allowed to talk about himself and everyone looks at him in a different way. They call him a faggot, or they call him feminine.

Whenever I talk to a gay man, I deal with the term “feminine”. Every gay man becomes unhappy of this label and they take it as a humiliation. From your point of view, who is feminine and why is this word used?

Pooya: People used to call me feminine in any gathering. Everybody laughed at me and so this word was hateful for me. It was used to humiliate me. That’s why every gay man flees from this word.

Soroosh: Feminine was a label that I had to carry since my childhood. This word was not unfamiliar to me as I heard it everywhere – in my family, at school, everywhere in society. They called us feminine so often that we became used to it. Sometimes I really felt that I was feminine and this was my name. This word is very insulting in our society and any man hearing it becomes offended. My father and my brother became so upset when others called me feminine. They were ashamed.

Why do people use the term feminine?   

Soroosh: They don’t understand. If a man likes to be clean and to wear clothes that are out of society’s norms, they call him feminine.

Pooya:  Even wearing vibrant colors or cologne is considered to be feminine. For example I like wearing red but in Iran I couldn’t do this and it used to be a desire for me.

Soroosh: When I carried my back bag on my two shoulders and walked in the streets, the drivers used to blow their horns for me and when I carried it on only one shoulder they passed. Our people do not even have the culture of carrying a bag back and they consider carrying it on two shoulders as a girlish act, let alone wearing vibrant colors or colognes!

In your view, what should be done in a society where wearing vibrant colors or colognes are abnormal?

Soroosh: I believe one person cannot change this culture. It will take a long time. Public awareness and education should be implemented to tackle this issue.

Pooya: People must be made aware that such people do exist, they have the right to live like others and they should be accepted as they are. Wearing a T-shirt or a specific color does not represent the personality. We have to ask them to listen to us and talk to us about our tastes. They should not assume things and make fun of a person whose reality they know nothing about.

Do your families know anything about your sexual orientation?  

Pooya: My family does not. But they have recognized some things and are suspicious. They know nothing about homosexuals etc. and believe that every man should marry a woman and have kids. They do not know that such things exist. That is why I believe that people should be informed. If I had a comfortable life, I would have never gotten out of Iran and come to live here, under the conditions you are now witnessing.

Soroosh: Every one has the right to choose his/her own lifestyle. When a person is not hurting me with their lifestyle choices, their private life should not be a problem for me; I have no right to criticize them.  Our people are so curious to know why we are like this. When they find out, they deny it. I could never talk about who I am in Iran. This matter has obsessed me in a way that I want to cry out everywhere ‘I am a homosexual and I have the right to live’. A homosexual person should have the freedom to go to work, study, marry and have kids.

Pooya: A homosexual should have all the same rights that anyone else has in society. S/He should be allowed to talk and be respected. S/he should not be condemned or rejected because of his/her different sexual orientation.

Soroosh: We are also human beings. Just like a heterosexual who has rights in society and wants to marry, we want the same. There is no reason for people to judge us as deviated or corrupted persons as soon as they find out that we are homosexuals. I have no control over who I am attracted to. I have a twin brother who is heterosexual. I didn’t choose to be homosexual just as he didn’t choose to be heterosexual. I had to leave Iran and escape so far away just so I could be who I am.     

Please describe your daily life in Iran.

Soroosh: I was not the real Soroosh in Iran. I was someone who wore a mask on his face. I was forced to isolate myself and feel lonely so no one would notice my problems and differences. If anyone had become aware, they would have raped, harassed, or made fun of me. They tortured us with the aim of helping us! For example they said: “You will get fixed. Have sex with a girl in order to change your taste.” They forced us to do many things which were unjust. When they discovered that these pressures did not work, they used other ways. They hit, insulted or raped us. All our moments in Iran were full of stress and torture. Although I have many problems here, it is still better than Iran. People in this city may be much worse than people in Iran, but at least my family is not present here to restrict or hit me for any small issue like the color of my clothes or the way I talking. At least I am not forced to play a role anymore. I am my true self.

Did you have family problems?     

Soroosh: Yes, I had problems in every sense. I was forced to behave like my heterosexual brothers. My family did not recognize my differences and always compared me to my brothers. The only times I was comfortable were at nights when I could sleep. No one was awake to make fun of me for not sleeping like my brothers!

Pooya: For me it was the same. It was so hard for me that they did not understand me and found my behavior insufferable. I could not even wear the clothes I wanted for different occasions. Once I wore a sleeveless shirt and jeans at a birthday party of one of our relatives. A guest told me that he would have removed my name from his ID certificate if he had been my father. He wondered how a man could dress like this! This made my father hit me that night and the party became so bitter for me just for wearing a sleeveless shirt. Shouldn’t I have the right to choose what shirt to wear?! Is there really no heterosexual man who wears sleeveless shirts? Why did they always punish us?!

Soroosh: Homosexuals are the most miserable citizens of Iranian society. I know some one who used to live in a village. He did not know that homosexuality was not unnatural. Under the pressuring influence of society, he committed suicide in the stable of the family home in order to get rid of sin and mistake. This guy felt that he was the only one with these feelings due to lack of knowledge. If people are informed, every one can become aware of his/her disposition and orientation. Most homosexuals in Iran flee from their homosexuality since they are afraid. They always deny it, because if the truth comes out things will become even worse for them.      

Pooya: Having no job, and being financially dependent on others are very huge problems for young gays. There might be a very bad future for such people. I disliked being dependent on some one else. I wanted to work on my own and spend my own money but no one would give me a job. 

Soroosh: Sometimes homosexuals fall into prostitution. My father used to tell me: “You are like a girl and I have to pay you money for all your life. You have no productivity at all.” My brother used to tell me: “You are a pest. You just consume and produce nothing.” That was all because I was homosexual and not like them. That is why I say that queers have the most difficult conditions.  One of my friends attempted suicide six times and he did it for the last time by taking rat poison. He was homosexual and his family used to force him to heal himself. One of my friends escaped from his home several times. I witnessed how inappropriately his mother used to talk to him. She said: “You have to stay at home until you die.” When the doctor talked to his father and explained his son’s homosexuality, the father responded that his son had only two options, either to die or to heal himself! His family believed that if he was gay he should die; otherwise he could live at home and was obliged to fulfill whatever was expected from him. This guy was forced to escape from his home and he is right now addicted to drugs. He was rejected at the time he needed help.

Pooya:  He had no place to live and there are lots of people in the city who abuse homosexuals. He was forced to ask others for a place to sleep at night. Personally I became so sad when I was compared with others. They used to tell me that every guy went to the obligatory military service. They forced me to go there too; they did not understand that I could not go to the military service.

Soroosh:  My father used to tell me: “You have to go to the military service to become a man.”  They didn’t know that there was a very bad condition for the homosexuals who went to the obligatory military service. Gays are raped very often and garrisons are not safe places for them. They become depressed or undergo mental disorders during the military service. But my family used to tell me: “You have to go to the military service to understand what manhood means.”

What is manhood according to your family? 

Soroosh: Manhood means chasing girls or having a rough job. My brother used to tell me: “the moment I discover you are gay I will first kill you and then myself.” He continued: “I feel that you are so, therefore take care of your behavior.” The lives of gay people like us were exclusively defined in inconvenience, anxiety and panic for the things that might happen to us no matter where we were - at home, at school, on street or at university.

Pooya:  I was a weak student at school as I never dared to raise my hand in class and ask a question that I did not understand. Once I raised my hand and everybody made fun of the way I talked. That is why I never did it again. Believe me I did not even know why people referred to me with feminine labels. I hated everything and wanted to slaughter all of them. They made fun of me and the school was hateful for me.

Soroosh: Once my brother’s friend told him: “Your brother looks very feminine.” My brother became so upset he pushed me into a glass window. The glass injured my hand and damaged the nerves. Now I have lots of problems because I have very little feeling in three of my fingers. All these pains just for one word! All of us have the same problems. You may not believe this story. The father of one of my friends poured hot water on his son when he discovered his son was gay!

How is your condition in Turkey?    

Pooya: Our condition is not better than Iran. Five of us sleep in one room. Poor financial conditions make life very difficult. The sanitation condition is horrible. One of our friends has got a dermatological problem and his body has blistered all over. Our heads itch as there is no clean bathroom. Another friend has got sciatica due to the present pressures and has not able to walk for two months. My toe nails have turned black due to calcium deficiency. Since the expenses for drugs and medical treatment are so high, we are forced to take old medicine or what is sent to us from Iran.

Soroosh: We even do not have safety. They threatened us by gun a while ago and told us: “We, Turks, do not accept you and can kill you simply if we wish. We are Muslims and do not accept these issues.” We even have problems with police and they make fun of us too.

Pooya:  We even have problems with groceries. Once I was coming out of a grocery store, the security men stopped me and began to check my body. They intended to molest me. They touched my hips. What could I hide there?! Was there any other intention than molesting me?! I am so sad that I am humiliated even here.

Soroosh: The condition is so bad. We can hardly warm our houses during winter. Our things were about to burn several times as we were forced to warm the house by coal and wood and sleep the whole night while wearing our jackets.

How do your overcome your living expenses?     

We have no support from anywhere. Even after UN assistance and attending a financial interview, they pay us around $100 monthly while we must pay at least $200 for renting a home. We are deep into trouble but we have to be patient and suffer everything. We can not do anything. We have to be patient.

How is your file status in UN? 

Pooya:  Both of us are accepted and we are waiting for the admitting country. However, our condition has not changed compared to before. We are receiving the money that enables us to share with others. We are suffering all these difficulties with the hope that we would live in a country that accepts us as homosexuals. We don’t like to go somewhere like Iran or Turkey with the same fear and anxiety.

Soroosh:  I like to go somewhere where everyone respects our rights. People accept same sex marriage. My dream is to marry legally so that my relations won’t be casual and desultory.  

Nowadays in western countries, it is common for couples to live together and share a life without officially marrying. It is interesting to know why homosexuals with relations traditionally like this are looking for marriage.

Pooya: I am not talking about homosexuals in the west. In Iran even two men are not allowed to live in one house and should explain it to many people. They don’t rent home to singles and etc. Therefore living with the sexual partner is not possible and the couples are forced to have only phone calls or distant relations.   

Soroosh: I like to marry a man officially and I want a permanent relation from my marriage. Marriage is the minimum peace in life. I know that divorce also exists but for me equality is so important. I should have the same rights that a heterosexual does - the right to marry and establish a family. It is not right to claim that marriage is only exclusive to heterosexuals. Some heterosexuals do not like to marry and some do. In general, marriage should not be a right solely for heterosexuals but for all humans. We can either use this right or not. Same sex marriage is not a must, but it is our right.    

Pooya: I am still not sure if I want to get married or not, but I am sure that I don’t want to be played by others. I want to dedicate my love solely to one person and I want him to do the same. I want a healthy and peaceful life.

Soroosh:  One of the reasons for this issue is that we gays have always been played and abused. At the beginning of any acquaintance, the person we are with says they are in love and will commit forever. However after they abuse us, they bring excuses and that is all. Unfortunately there are lots of these abusers in Iran. They have difficulties in bonding with girls so they are forced to do it with boys. They are not homosexuals but they have sex with the same gender due to their conditions. Due to all these failures, I want to get married and become secure.

Dear Pooya, I am noticing a rosary round your neck. Are you religious?    

Pooya: No, I am not. I just believe in God and I pray to him with this rosary every night. I ask God to offer me a healthy life. I don’t want to be trampled in life. I want people to respect and accept me. I pray to God for my future life. My parents are Muslims, but how can I accept a religion that denies, executes or stones me?! Therefore I’d rather just pray to God.   

Soroosh: No religion accepts us. I used to like Christianity and got familiar with some one who used to gospel. He really welcomed me to convert into Christianity. After he realized that I was gay he changed all his words and said that I was not eligible to become a Christian.

From your point of view, are the religious issues held against queers directly related to religion or to people’s interpretation?

Pooya: I believe it is related to people’s interpretation. They know nothing. They know neither about religion nor about homosexuals. They simply comment about the two things that they don’t know anything about. This is definitely wrong.

Soroosh:  They say that Islam commands homosexuals be thrown from a hill, be stoned or be executed. Gays are unclean. I have heard so many times from the clergy that the earth curses homosexuals whenever they walk on it. However many things have changed in Islam. New laws have been legislated which either did not exist or were different in the Prophet’s time. They have to do this in Iran too. In Islam the punishment for theft is cutting the thief’s hands. In Iran many people are thieves but their hands are not cut. In Islam there is a severe punishment for bribe, nowadays the banks are doing the same and they call it interest! There is no religious problem for such a thing. Shouldn’t the condition change for homosexuals as well? Like other definitions they make for different things, they should distinguish between homosexuals and rapists. My university professor raped me. There should be a difference between me and him! Shouldn’t there?

Dear Soroosh, how did your professor rape you?    

My university professor closed the door and raped me. I could not do any thing. He should have confirmed my final thesis. When I wanted to get out of his office, he put his hand on the door and said: “I like you and want to have sex with you.” He forced me to have sex with him. I didn’t want it; he threatened that he wouldn’t let me graduate. I could neither shout nor ask for help. I could not tell anyone as it would cause me problems. Everybody would say I was lying and no one would doubt him. He was both a heterosexual man and a university professor. I had to keep quiet for my reputation.

What is the main social problem for homosexuals?

Pooya:  Due to these ideas, most of the times they pressure homosexuals to do wrong things that have severe consequences. Like marriage to a girl which causes misery for the two sides. They force a couple to marry and a poor homosexual does this when he has no other option. Most of the time, this matter results in divorce and no body recognizes the cause - forcing a homosexual guy to get married.  One of my homosexual friends was forced to marry. I asked him how he was satisfied. He said that he fantasized his wife as a guy during sex! I really got sad. He was forced to get married due to family pressures. I know lots of gays who married like this and all have problems.

Soroosh: Many gays commit suicide to avoid such fates. However, those who get married are in a permanent suicide. They are tortured when they see their children as they have betrayed some human beings by their silence. They might claim that they have a good life but what they are suffering is misery. Nowadays there is an organization for everything like women, victims, addicted people, or runaways. But the only organization that works for homosexuals is coroner which either certifies a rape act or a burial permission.  

How can you as homosexuals change this bad condition?

Soroosh: I really don’t know how to make people aware. But your organization can educate them. It can tell people that homosexuals are not ill and inform them about what issues they are facing. They have not selected to be gay, they were born gay. I may live alone the rest of my life. I may not have a clear future with all these problems. I may have anxiety forever. However, I am gay and I am happy with myself. I have always been a gay man and I will die as gay man. Everybody rejects me so that I change. No, I am this way and I wish to help queers with the hope that they don’t suffer like me anymore.

Everyone likes to help but no one knows how. What is your plan?

Soroosh: If my financial condition becomes well, I will definitely give part of my income to organizations like yours which are really working. I’ve know your organization since a long time ago and I know you helped many of us. I have read your magazine and I have learnt quite a lot.

Pooya:  I am ready to do any help. I am even ready to appear in the media. Financial support, informing people, writing, everything can be help. Many people are afraid of talking and educating others. How can they overcome the fear of revealing their identities?

Soroosh: To achieve a goal, you need to make sacrifices. If we are looking for freedom we have to do lots of things and overcome our fears. I am willing to suffer on this arduous road for the sake of others, so they may be able to walk the next steps. Especially those who get out of Iran should not forget the others left behind. They should not think now that they’re safe they can forget about the past. What is happening to those who are still under pressure? We all should become united for the sake of our generation and the next generation.

Pooya: We should never forget that a baby who might be gay could be born by tomorrow. Should s/he suffer all the problems from scratch?!